SAMPLES OF MY EDITING WORK
Note: The following are excerpts from books I have edited and the corrections/suggestions I made. The writer’s text is in black. My comments are in brown. Corrections are in red. The information shown in parentheses would be shown in Word in a Comment bubble.
The twenty-minute drive to the police station where Shelly is taken for
investigation booking has me aged ages me at least five years. (Since she has already been arrested, the term would be ‘booked’ or ‘interrogation.)
He nods and
stalks strides through the crowd, disappearing behind the sliding doors at the end of a hall. ( ‘Stalk’ usually connotes sulking or sneaking up on, or shadowing. So I think ‘strides’ which implies confidence and strength is a better word here.)
[This is the last paragraph of several paragraphs of a quote] “‘I received a fantastic screenplay. Imagine a cross-over of John Tucker Must Die and Sex and the City,’ Jared, my long-time friend and producer at Hawkins Media Group, said on a Monday morning.“ (If all of this is dialogue delivered by Zane, each paragraph should begin with quotation marks, but the final paragraph would be the only one with both opening and ending quotation marks. Any quote within a quote gets single quotation marks. If you wish to avoid the double and single quotation marks together, simply reword as: One Monday morning, Jared, my long-time friend and producer at Hawkins Media Group told me he had received a fantastic screenplay that was a cross-over of…)
“That’s why the video showed up two months after the incident and not immediately afterwards.” (In book 1, she says the video went online, was removed, then reappeared set to music 2 months later.)
The Berenson’s Country Club had large reserves of depleted uranium, the kind that is used to manufacture nuclear weapons. (According to Wikipedia, depleted uranium is a byproduct of the manufacture of enriched uranium, the kind used for nuclear weapons. Enriched uranium is made from natural uranium or just plain ‘uranium’ found in the ground.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depleted_uranium)
It was just after two in the morning, and everyone but Harold and Ford had gone. (It would be nice to know who Harold and Ford are. Just one or two words would do.)
“Then your mom died. I found out and drove straight back to Tuckerville, but I was too late . (Does not agree with what was said on pg 19: Two years after he’d dumped her, he went home over Christmas break to find her and apologize. And to be honest, maybe see if he could repair their relationship. Instead, he’d found her in Jimmy Walsh’s arms in the cab of his truck outside of her mother’s trailer. He assumed she had forgotten all about him and moved on. By the time he learned that her mother had just died, he couldn’t face her.)
It was a small room, only large enough to hold an oversize recliner, a cushioned bench, a small end table, and of all things, a chaise
I didn’t know, for certain, but I wanted them to help me find out, and was more than excited by the prospect of their special assistance. (I suspect your intention was to reflect her thought process in the way she would naturally speak. But to be correct and avoid reader confusion, an ‘and’ is needed between ‘out’ & ‘was’ or divide into two sentences. ‘find out. I was more…’)
breathy breathily, “You do, Master.” (Should be breathily, an adverb. To use ‘breathy, would need to use as an adjective, such as ‘my breathy response was’)
No sooner did I belong to myself, then than I handed myself over into the care of someone else.
His voice was a dead calm that rose raised goosebumps over my arms.
But then, resolving out of emerging from the murky haze, came three figures, running. (Emanating from, appearing from, etc. Resolving is to solve. See: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/resolve)
How this should could be, he didn’t know. (Use either ‘How this could be’ or ‘Why this should be’.)
“You never used to do that.” (I looked back to see if there was any earlier reference to him whistling, and there was in a way. He whistled birdcalls for their ‘secret’ meetings. So maybe it would be good to reference that with something like: “Other than birdcalls for secret meetings, she said with a waggle of her brows, I don’t remember you ever doing that before.”)
Her thoughts rested on returned to the one who had made this moment possible. (Suggestion: Her thoughts returned to another who used to whistle, one whose selflessness had made this moment possible.)
No, Michael had explained how he had chosen the numbers—they were simply the twenty largest cash prizes drawn during the three
four years that separated 1999 from 2002.
“My little sister Marie, lives in Calgary with her husband My brother, Etienne, died several years ago. His wife Simone lives in Montreal, with their little son, Adam. He’s just turned five. (Impossible for his younger brother to have a five year old son. Must agree with page 69.)
The first thing I want to do is measure the intensity of the fields here in your house to help pinpoint where the magnetism
it is the strongest.” (‘It’ can’t refer back to a plural, either have to change as I did, or use “they are”)
“What makes you think I would know anyone
that who would do that?” (Use ‘who’ when referring to a person, and ‘that’ when referring to a thing)
“Where’s Nikita?” he asked Walter softly. He tried to brace himself for the
worse worst. (Here is a link to the use of worse and worst: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-Worse-and-Worst)
I can’t explain why I feel this that way, but I just know this knowledge was never meant to be played with. (To avoid using the word ‘this’ twice in the same sentence.)
To Michael’s right,
there was ’a white kitten curled up on an overstuffed chair atop some knitting, a large, vibrant parrot perched in a gilt cage stood in a corner, (I would eliminate the words ‘there was’ and add the verb perched to give the parrot an action, so that it is plain that it is the cage in the corner, rather than the parrot standing in the corner.)
COMMENTS FROM MY WONDERFUL WRITERS
The following are comments from authors with whom I have worked. Some of them refer to pre-publication edits, while others refer to post-publication reviews.
Rose Marie is a pleasure to work with. She provided efficient and thorough edits including pointing out content issues such as plot holes, dropped threads, and inconsistent concepts. We worked through multiple rounds of edits and discussed issues as needed. I would gladly work with her in the future and plan to use her editing services again in the future.
Dara Young/Sorcha Mowbray, author of A Cowboy’s Christmas Wish, Boiling Point, & Prince Charming Need Not Apply
Rose Marie edited my recent entry into the Heart of Denver Romance Writer’s Molly contest [An international competition]. Because of her help my entry, Oubliette, won two awards–the 2013 First Place Winner for Historical Romance and the 2013 Heart of the Molly award [The overall award]. She gives professional advice that is honest and insightful, yet encouraging. She will be my go-to gal for all my future editing needs! I highly recommend her.
Roxanne Kean, author of The Haunting of the Rose Queen.
Wow! I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done. I had no idea there were so many errors in the collection. My final proofer, is blown away also, and after looking at your list, spent a long time saying things like, “I can’t believe I missed that!” and “I’m so embarrassed!” . We’re both thrilled with what you’ve so kindly done.
Deena Ward/Anwen Stiles, author of The Power to Please Collection & Golem’s Revenge Series
You are amazing!!! Thank you SO much. I’ll tackle these in the next week or so and make the changes so I can upload a new, shiny version. I feel like I hit the jackpot with you, I can’t thank you enough and am genuinely touched that you went through all this effort just for me.
[This was a post publication review. The author told me all her books go through nine editors prior to publication. I still found 36 errors that were missed.]
Delilah Marvelle Author of Romancing Lady Stone
Wow, I’m impressed. You caught a lot of errors. You’re very through with your work. Thank you so much for editing/proofreading my book. I really appreciate your help. I’d like you to edit the rest of the Pleasure Extraordinaire series. [This was another post-publication review. This writer always had three editors for every book. The errors found were so numerous I did not count them.She now uses only me, which saves her quite a bit in editing fees.]
Liv Bennett, author of the Pleasure Extraordinaire series
I just made the last of the corrections. Oh my word. You are awesome and I feel completely embarrassed about some of the things you caught. I swear, I did edit it before I sent it to you. lol. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! I personally requested you read my book. It was one of my conditions to publishing through [this publisher]. You catch things that other editors missed.
Maren Smith, author of the Masters of the Castle series